DEAR COSMO, THE QT CAMP ADVICE RACCOON #2: You Have A Chance To Be A Hero
Dear Cosmo,
My oldest came out as non-binary last year. I’m trying to be as supportive as I can but they want our whole family to go to the Pride Parade this year and I’m freaked out at the idea. I’ve never been to a Pride Parade and am afraid of what I’ll see and what the kids will see and how to explain any of it. Can we skip it? I need real answers. How do I prepare myself for this? How do I prepare my kids? I want to honor my kid’s wish but I’m out of my element here. In desperate need of some real talk.
Thank you,
Real Talk
Dear Real Talk,
First, congratulations! Your child trusts you. They want you to be a part of their life, fully. Wow, but that is good news. And here you are, knowing that when you take your child somewhere new, you’re likely to encounter things you’ve never seen before and so you are preparing. We are off to a great start!
Your child trusts you because you’ve gotten them through everything to this point, right? You’ve been parenting right along, explaining things that need explaining, listening when listening is called for. In fact, I think you already know what to do because you’ve done it before. For just one example, I’m guessing that you’ve taken your family to a “regular” parade, say, for Fourth of July or the like. And, in doing so, you’ve managed to explain what you’ve seen: Groups of people in matching, spiffy uniforms and shiny shoes marching together in broad daylight! Beauty-pageant contestants in their gowns and sashes and tiaras, fully made-up, performing that eternal, royal wave! Grown-ass men in tasseled hats driving tiny cars!
In case there is any confusion here, these are all references to the sights and sounds of a traditional, mainstream parade, any one of which will give a Pride Parade a run for its money when it comes to sparkle, sequins, and spectacle. Life is truly a beautiful tapestry.
And, real talk, Real Talk? There are challenging questions that Pride might bring up in your child, and these questions are worth worrying about. Like, why is there security scanning the rooftops. Like, why the police cars need to park across the intersections. Like, why the bomb-sniffing dogs are… sniffing for bombs. These are the hard questions. And my hope for you and your family is that if your child asks about things such as this, you will give them the gentle type of real talk that I’m attempting here: age-appropriate, yes, but also true. We are not here to dispense sugar to our kiddos. We are meant to prepare them for the world. To do this, we must speak to history, we must indicate potential dangers, we must make sure they can find the helpers (Mr. Rogers was a raccoon at heart). Hard questions, like the proverbial shit, happen. Any other questions you and yours might have about what takes place at Pride are easy to answer. The internet could be useful here, and so can talking to a friend who has attended, or, reaching out to a local kid-friendly organization involved in the parade.
But listen, Real Talk. There is so much sparkle and shine at a Pride Parade, so much fabulousness, so much dancing, and glam, if your kiddo’s eyes settle on any one thing long enough to ask a question, I will be surprised. And if they ask you something, perhaps you’ll find yourself unprepared. Perhaps there will be a flub here and there as you reach for an answer. Flubs are part of the parenting game, they come standard. If you do flub it, you get to model recovering from a flub for your kiddo. Hooray. Model saying, I don’t know. Model saying, I need to learn about that. Model saying, What do you think?
Perhaps your child will have questions about drag or be momentarily distracted by some, WOW, yes, incredibly short shorts, or outfits made of leather, or, a giant raccoon (cough). But no matter what they see at Pride, as in the rest of life, they will be led by you. So, be positive, be curious, be accepting, and be attentive to your children’s questions. If an issue comes up that feels too tough to tackle during the parade itself, say to your child that you’re putting that topic on the list for tomorrow (and then do talk about it tomorrow, 100%). Other good phrases to have ready in your pocket for Pride are: Don’t they look pretty?! Shiny! I could not walk in those shoes, could you? Bubbles!
Whether you do research or not and whether you ever feel prepared, Real Talk, please go. Because the real-est talk is this: instead of worrying about what your child will see, worry about what your child will miss if they don’t go to Pride: community, positivity, acceptance, connection, the love of found family, the joy. The joy. There are no strangers at Pride, so don’t be one. No matter what the people you meet at Pride are into, no matter what they are wearing, or how foreign any of that seems to you, these are the people who will save your child’s life when you cannot. Be a part of that.
Don’t be afraid of Pride, Real Talk. Be afraid of not making this memory with your child. A story unfolds from here, one your child will retell again and again in their bright future, and in that story, you have a chance to be a hero. So, afraid or not, step boldly with them into the history and the glitter and the joy. Your child is inviting you, you lucky thing. It’s time to go.
From my dumpster fire to yours,
Cosmo
